Her name is Sarah Chalke and she’s a huge slut. On the show at least but she’s definitely putting off the same vibe with that belly. Her parents run an adoption agency that caters Chinese babies for people in Canada. Why only Chinese babies, I couldn’t tell you, but it does seem sort of bitchy to birth your own baby when your parents slang babies for cash. Maybe this is how Sarah rebels and proves to her parents she doesn’t need them? Or maybe she just straight up doesn’t like the Chinese. She had to grow up with a house full of them crying and shit. Already smarter than she was and ganging up on her when the parents were gone. They would pin her down and do that shit when someone pokes on your chest. That shit will make you go crazy and she did. Later that night she drown one of those little bastards in the bathtub. Her parents of course covered it up and buried it in the back yard. They wrote back to China claiming the dead baby was adopted or some shit. Ever since Sarah’s kind of had this attitude like she can get away with anything. She thought she could, too, but apparently you can get pregnant if a dude pulls out and blows his load on top of your vadge. Who knew?
She gets paid to barf in a toilet and snort coke off her iPhone. It’s a lifestyle all women want. To feel beautiful and see themselves on magazine covers. To be noticed and gawked over. Miranda Kerr loves it and thinks I’m disgusting. A pig really and she would appreciate it if I’d stop e-mailing her pictures of my wiener tucked back in this same position. It’s called a “fruit bowl” you bitch and it’s what’s for breakfast.
If you pull that doodoo apart within lies the most pinkest butthole you’ve ever seen. Just like a pink rose. It smells a bit different but looks just the same. Pink and pale white look good together. That’s the fascination black men have with white girls. When a black dude spreads Kristin Cavallari’s white cheeks apart and sees that pink rose looking up at him, it’s like everything’s right in the world, and those past due child support payments melt away like the child they never see anyway. I’m not speaking on behalf of all black men. In this fictional story my black man is a dead-beat no gooder living in The Acorn Projects. He’s a Crip born and raised in West Oakland. Kristin loves him because he says things like “no nigga can fade me” and “bitch, make me some grits!” Kristin Cavallari can make a bomb grit. She’s been bitch-slapped enough to know adding both milk and margarine is key to good grits. She also lets the dude eat them out of the crack of her ass. Pour some good grits down the crack of a white girl’s ass and watch a black man’s head explode.
With some record executive bitch. Some loaded limp dick with a limper gut. When you’re this rich you can be as dumpy as you want and women are still willing to swallow your gravy load, it’s disgusting. Katy Perry doesn’t care and she’s down to get hers. Her music career is reaching it’s end and she has to keep the bills paid somehow. That’s where Jeff comes in. Yep, his name is Jeff. His favorite bands are U2 and Counting Crows. He loves talking about the mountain bike he never rides and drinking lunch time margaritas at Chili’s. He’s a cool dude who believes a great day starts with a tucked in t-shirt.
This is his “chick” playing a little b-ball at the condo.
Put a girl in a limousine and down comes the rain. Their panties get so wet they could stick to a wall, ewww!
Next time you’re making out with a chick, take off her undies, and throw em’ against the wall. If they stick than this chick is LOVING you. If they tumble down to the ground, who cares, you’re about to get laid. This goes for women too. Next time you’re sucking face with a guy throw his roo’s at the wall. If they stick than you probably don’t want to toss this dude’s salad. From what I’ve been told Leighton Meester is an ass grubber. A little mud-butt is all good in her eyes and she’ll even nibble the edges.
These are period people clothes. Anytime I see a woman wearing one of these ankle length dresses I automatically assume she’s rockin’ a tampon underneath it. Women have it rough. They have to eat a dude’s nut, bleed out of their vagina’s, and take dongs up the butt. Dude, fuck that, men have it made. Well, straight men anyway. Eva Longoria gets her hair did when she’s on the rag and this is her doing just that.
If there’s ever a part of a man’s body you don’t get a tattoo this would be it. Was Brad Pitt a stripper at some point? Is that an equal sign so whoever is ass fucking him can clearly see he’s all about equal rights? I would assume the person ramming him could tell by Brad’s hand reaching around and tickling his balls, but just to be sure Brad had this tattoo put on. This dude is so 2010.
You would die of dehydration if you tried to lick all three miles of them. Yum! Yum! Whitney Port is awesome because if you’re kicking it on the couch watching a movie and you lose the remote she can reach the television with her foot.
Turn it up! I love this part…
She’s like Inspector Gadget. Go-go gadget toes! If you need another beer she can reach the refrigerator too! This chick can give you a hand job, turn up the TV, get you a beer, and reach the ceiling fan cord all in the same second. If that can’t make you cum, you’re probably a homosexual.
P.S. Is it just me or do you get the vibe this woman has the world’s cutest vagina? It must smell like a fresh bed of flowers in Spring.
I think more than anything else women like dressing their babies a lot more than feeding them or changing their shitty/pee pee stained diapers. Since their vagina will never look the same again they channel their rage into making their baby appear at it’s utmost adorableness. This is how a woman copes with her newly destroyed body. All the sudden Daddy isn’t going downtown anymore and she can’t even remember the last time he put his tongue in her mouth. Remember making out and how they used to do that shit for like hours? Dude, those days are over. Now Daddy is too busy sticking his tongue, fingers, and other things in the slammin’ hot, childless, new secretary at work. Yep, Daddy’s a player like that and the world continues to turn round & round. It’s nothing new and Jessica Alba should of fuckin’ known fuckin’ better than to let a dude named “Cash” rip a nut in her box.
The alternative slut in The Exploited t-shirt or the snobby one sniffing her pit in public?
From a man’s perspective that is a nicely clean shaven armpit. No greens or grays, a quick hooker-shower in the sink to get rid of the smell, and she’s good to go! She’s obviously going to fuck someone tonight and trying to debate whether or not a shower first is necessary. I’m assuming if the pit check fails the test, her cooch is going to be a God damn mess. Say hello to a little cheese and goodbye to anyone going down on you. Audrina Patridge vs. Lauren “Lo” Bosworth! Let’s do this already…
